i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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