ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
