Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
