They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
