I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
