Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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