I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
