His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
