Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
