I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
