Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
