and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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