Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
