why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
