he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
