he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
