I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
