If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
