wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You can't special order awesome
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
