Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's blow job season.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
