You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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