AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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