Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
