I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
