had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
