Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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