okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
