Sponge bath it is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry about my life...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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