woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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