Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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