i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
