i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
