So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
