I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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