My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
