We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
as a side note pls kill me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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