i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
