everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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