chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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