My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
