At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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