Cold hands, warm shart.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
