So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
