apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
