My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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