my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
