look no pants
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
