sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
