But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I FOUND THE LEGS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
