Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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