That's intense
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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