It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
