remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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