My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
