Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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