My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize