Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
