i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
