this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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