tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
