did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
