All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
