Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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