Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
