I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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