guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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