there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
