Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
