she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
