Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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